Why Can't My Sons Think of Words Beginning with 'Q'? (And Other Parenting Fails)

The other day, my sons – 20 and 22 now – played one of those word games where you have to think of words beginning with a certain letter. Getting them to play any sort of word-based game at their age feels like a minor victory in itself, but what really struck me was how limited their vocabulary seemed. Not just a bit rusty – genuinely sparse. Where were all those words I'd assumed they'd picked up along the way?

I'm an English teacher. I grew up reading voraciously and being read to every night. My sons had the same start in life – bedtime stories, bookshelves full of brilliant children's books, all of it. So what happened?

Technology happened.

I saw it perfectly illustrated on a flight this summer. A mum, probably my age, was contentedly absorbed in her book while her young daughter sat beside her, glazed eyes fixed on an iPad, swiping through games. Two generations, two completely different relationships with words and stories. And there it was – the whole problem in miniature.

The truth is, there's simply no substitute for reading when it comes to building vocabulary. You can't app your way to a richer understanding of language. So that raises the rather thorny question: how on earth do we get our screen-addicted kids to actually pick up a book?

Meet them where they are

Start with what they're already into. If they're obsessed with a particular game, TV series, or film, there's almost certainly a book tie-in or something in that genre. Yes, even if it's not exactly Dickens. A mediocre book they'll actually read beats a literary masterpiece gathering dust on their shelf.

Audiobooks count

I know, I know – purists will say it's cheating. But honestly? If they're getting a story, expanding their vocabulary, and engaging with narrative, does it really matter if it's going in through their ears rather than their eyes? Stick an audiobook on during car journeys instead of letting them scroll TikTok.

Make it competitive

Since you've discovered they'll play word games with you (treasure those moments!), why not set reading challenges? Money talks at that age – perhaps a small wager on who can finish a book first, or who can find the most obscure word in a chapter?

Lead by example (but you probably do already)

They need to see you reading actual books, not just scrolling your phone. Leave books lying about. Talk about what you're reading. Make it seem like something normal people do for pleasure, not just a thing teachers bang on about.

Serial killer documentaries → true crime books

Notice what they're binge-watching and suggest the book it's based on. "Oh, you're watching that? The book's got loads more detail they couldn't fit in..." Works surprisingly often.

Book clubs but make them bearable

Maybe suggest reading the same book and discussing it over coffee or a pint (if over 18!)? Keep it casual – more chat than analysis. At their age, the social aspect might actually appeal.

Short stories and novellas

The commitment of a 400-page novel can feel overwhelming when you've not read properly in years. Start smaller. Get them hooked on an author through a short story collection first.

Accept that their relationship with reading might just be different

This is the hard bit, I am almost crying writing this! They might never be the readers we were, and that's not necessarily a disaster. But if we can get them reading something – even if it's graphic novels, fan fiction, or books about YouTubers – it's better than nothing.

The trick is removing the feeling that reading is something they should do (because let's face it, as soon as something becomes homework, it loses all appeal) and making it something they might actually want to do.